Larry... this is a great piece. I love the reconciliation with yourself that has been going on with the work that is happening at Write Hearted. We are all changing together through the art (and now science) of storytelling. I've been going through a lot of the same healings with my own book project and allowing the old stories to surface too. It's interesting how that happens. That Daniel Pink quote inspired me to write a piece about the specific memory effect that helps us heal too. And also your mention of the book "Necessary Losses" had me go and look into it, where I realized that I have been saying the same idea about loss and old trauma-type situations as the focus on that book. And again, it inspired a beautiful piece about loss and learning through the process of it. Keep on keeping on my friend. Your voice is one that I love to read when a LarryLand story comes through.
It's heartening to know that we're really on essentially the same journey, and I'm glad that your book is coming along. As I may have mentioned during Saturday's Story Gym, I'll be first in line to buy it when it's out.
I think "Necessary Losses" will really speak to you. I intend to reread it, especially since it's been about 35 years ... and we're not the same people we were back then, right?
You keep on keeping on as well. We're here for each other!
Aloha Larry... This is such a beautifully sneaky essay, Larry. It starts as a story about orange juice and somehow ends up being about memory, identity, inherited pain, neuroplasticity, forgiveness, and the strange miracle of becoming old enough to finally see your parents in full color instead of silhouette. Really wonderful piece.
Your feedback is pure Matthew Gray, in that it captures the core ingredients (including elements that never occurred to me) of the piece in a delectably poignant fashion. You do the same when writing about your podcast guests. Much appreciated!
Larry, this is so great to read. Love that you wrote and published this update and linked some of the other stories that round out some of who your father was. Big part of healing, seeing the whole person. Hope you restack this for Father’s Day.
Definitely cool! And awesome that you are sharing. I think stuff like this men often shy away from sharing with each other, and turn into jokes which doesn’t help anyone.
And I too have definitely experienced how forcing myself to write about traumatic stuff has helped reshape how I feel about
Truth be told, Henny, my normal "set point" is to go the ha-ha route. However, the more I unpack my past (warts and all), I find myself being drawn into deeper waters. Sometimes I feel as if I'm over my head, but I'm learning how to swim! Much appreciated.
Wow, Larry. As a parent, the orange juice story was really hard to read. My heart broke for ten-year-old you.
But it was also so inspiring to see how writing has helped you revisit and, in some ways, rewrite some of those painful memories while also allowing happier and more tender ones to resurface. This line especially hit home for me: “After decades of self-harm rooted in identifying with the abuser – unconsciously turning the abuser’s cruelty inward and continually treating myself the way he only occasionally treated me – I’m experiencing the ‘retrospective magic’ of storytelling.”
What a powerful description of what writing can do—not erase what happened, but widen the lens enough that more truth, more tenderness, and maybe even forgiveness can enter the story.
The last sentence of your thoughtful comment is something I should've considered when a friend asked me if I was "redacting" anything from the previous version of the essay. No, I didn't "erase" what happened, I was just "wideneding the lens."
That last sentence is a beautiful pay off--emotionally nutritious, let's say. As someone who had a similar "father," I admire the lift here (the writing and the real-life editing).
"What have I learned, about my Dad and his past or about my own life, that’s led to this recent evolution?" I have a theory. You learned to swim out of the whirlpool and create your own current, a gentler one, more buoyant, more joyful, more manly.
I have a strong hunch that your dad was a lot more "challenging" than mine, but that you were able to work through all the garbage – tough it out, really – a lot more successfully and a whole hell of a lot sooner than I have. But as they say, "Better late than never."
To quote Nietzsche (the only way I know how, by quoting True Detective, Season One): "Time is a flat circle." Which is a hoytie-toytie way of saying, You and me, we circled the drain without falling in, each in our own time, sure, but we got it done all the same. That's what matters. Proud to know you, even if it's only here on these discussion boards.
Larry, this turned out awesome. I'm so excited about the path you are on with forgiveness. AND I'm excited about your writing about it. As you expressed, allowing your muse to bring positive and affirming aspects of your father into the light is a fascinating part of your process. Stay with it!
I hope we hear more about the shifts that have occurred for you through the storytelling practice. The way you've applied yourself it and the changes you've made give you real authority to speak to the truth of Mr Pink's claims.
This is an ongoing process, but I must remember that it all began one December morning in Bob's living room. That was a seminal moment, one that could have far-reaching effects.
Larry... this is a great piece. I love the reconciliation with yourself that has been going on with the work that is happening at Write Hearted. We are all changing together through the art (and now science) of storytelling. I've been going through a lot of the same healings with my own book project and allowing the old stories to surface too. It's interesting how that happens. That Daniel Pink quote inspired me to write a piece about the specific memory effect that helps us heal too. And also your mention of the book "Necessary Losses" had me go and look into it, where I realized that I have been saying the same idea about loss and old trauma-type situations as the focus on that book. And again, it inspired a beautiful piece about loss and learning through the process of it. Keep on keeping on my friend. Your voice is one that I love to read when a LarryLand story comes through.
Thanks a million, Skip.
It's heartening to know that we're really on essentially the same journey, and I'm glad that your book is coming along. As I may have mentioned during Saturday's Story Gym, I'll be first in line to buy it when it's out.
I think "Necessary Losses" will really speak to you. I intend to reread it, especially since it's been about 35 years ... and we're not the same people we were back then, right?
You keep on keeping on as well. We're here for each other!
Aloha Larry... This is such a beautifully sneaky essay, Larry. It starts as a story about orange juice and somehow ends up being about memory, identity, inherited pain, neuroplasticity, forgiveness, and the strange miracle of becoming old enough to finally see your parents in full color instead of silhouette. Really wonderful piece.
Mahalo, brudda.
Your feedback is pure Matthew Gray, in that it captures the core ingredients (including elements that never occurred to me) of the piece in a delectably poignant fashion. You do the same when writing about your podcast guests. Much appreciated!
Larry, this is so great to read. Love that you wrote and published this update and linked some of the other stories that round out some of who your father was. Big part of healing, seeing the whole person. Hope you restack this for Father’s Day.
Thanks, Matt.
And I love the idea of restacking this on Father's Day! (That never occurred to me.) I'll definitely do that.
Larry, you created an example of Pulp Nonfiction.
Definitely cool! And awesome that you are sharing. I think stuff like this men often shy away from sharing with each other, and turn into jokes which doesn’t help anyone.
And I too have definitely experienced how forcing myself to write about traumatic stuff has helped reshape how I feel about
It. Powerful stuff
Truth be told, Henny, my normal "set point" is to go the ha-ha route. However, the more I unpack my past (warts and all), I find myself being drawn into deeper waters. Sometimes I feel as if I'm over my head, but I'm learning how to swim! Much appreciated.
Wow, Larry. As a parent, the orange juice story was really hard to read. My heart broke for ten-year-old you.
But it was also so inspiring to see how writing has helped you revisit and, in some ways, rewrite some of those painful memories while also allowing happier and more tender ones to resurface. This line especially hit home for me: “After decades of self-harm rooted in identifying with the abuser – unconsciously turning the abuser’s cruelty inward and continually treating myself the way he only occasionally treated me – I’m experiencing the ‘retrospective magic’ of storytelling.”
What a powerful description of what writing can do—not erase what happened, but widen the lens enough that more truth, more tenderness, and maybe even forgiveness can enter the story.
Thanks again, Rachel.
The last sentence of your thoughtful comment is something I should've considered when a friend asked me if I was "redacting" anything from the previous version of the essay. No, I didn't "erase" what happened, I was just "wideneding the lens."
Mahalo.
That last sentence is a beautiful pay off--emotionally nutritious, let's say. As someone who had a similar "father," I admire the lift here (the writing and the real-life editing).
"What have I learned, about my Dad and his past or about my own life, that’s led to this recent evolution?" I have a theory. You learned to swim out of the whirlpool and create your own current, a gentler one, more buoyant, more joyful, more manly.
Wonderful work, Larry. As usual.
Thank you, kind sir.
I have a strong hunch that your dad was a lot more "challenging" than mine, but that you were able to work through all the garbage – tough it out, really – a lot more successfully and a whole hell of a lot sooner than I have. But as they say, "Better late than never."
Thanks again for the support, amigo.
To quote Nietzsche (the only way I know how, by quoting True Detective, Season One): "Time is a flat circle." Which is a hoytie-toytie way of saying, You and me, we circled the drain without falling in, each in our own time, sure, but we got it done all the same. That's what matters. Proud to know you, even if it's only here on these discussion boards.
:)
"Time is a flat circle." I really like that.
And, since you're about the 20th person to mention "True Detective," I'm finally going to give that a go.
If/when I make it back to my old stomping grounds ("The OC"), I'll give you a holler, maybe meet for a beer or 12.
This second act of this essay, whose first I remembered well, is a stunning testament of your work and insight (and sharing it with us), Larry 🩶
Much appreciated Brigitte.
It’s been a real rollercoaster ride … but I’m happy to hang on for the duration.
…amazing growth dude…amazing…
Thank you, kind sir! It's been a bumpy (and rather juicy) ride, but I'm all in.
radical
Come to think of it, if I overdo it on the orange juice, might that make me an "acidic Jew"???
Beautiful, Larry... the process and perspective you shared is one we could all practice regularly. Thank you!!
Thanks, Chris. Lord knows, I need to consider this practice more often!
Larry, this turned out awesome. I'm so excited about the path you are on with forgiveness. AND I'm excited about your writing about it. As you expressed, allowing your muse to bring positive and affirming aspects of your father into the light is a fascinating part of your process. Stay with it!
I appreciate your support and feedback, James.
As for staying with it: I'm all in.
I can't say I'll completely divorce myself from the goofy / silly essays, but the deeper stuff also seems to be manifesting.
I hope we hear more about the shifts that have occurred for you through the storytelling practice. The way you've applied yourself it and the changes you've made give you real authority to speak to the truth of Mr Pink's claims.
Thank you, Rick.
This is an ongoing process, but I must remember that it all began one December morning in Bob's living room. That was a seminal moment, one that could have far-reaching effects.