♥ Few people can make toner, rage, and personal growth coexist this gracefully. I’ll never look at an error message, or a hammock, the same way again. Hilarity ensues.
Larry, this made me laugh out loud and wince in recognition. As someone who has absolutely fantasized about doing exactly this in moments of peak tech frustration, I have to admit I sort of admire that you actually went through with it. There really is nothing quite as maddening as failed technology at the exact moment you need it most, and you captured that helpless, toddler-on-the-floor feeling so perfectly. And that final line about the car—chef’s kiss. Ron truly sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime friend!
Yes, it was quite cathartic ... and scary ... and Just Plain Weird. I'm glad you got some catharsis out of this slice of silliness.
And about that last line: that was RICK'S, given to me free of charge in Google Docs. (I wish I could take credit for it, but the resulting guilt might be the end of me!)
Thank you for writing and publishing this. Is there one among us who cannot relate???You go through the whole process, beat by beat. I love how you translate the error message for us, and then walk us through the steps of escalation... we've all taken a few of these at least, and we've all imagined, at least, going all the way to the CRASH. But then you give us more: the part we'd prefer to forget, when we're swamped with chagrin and regret for the destruction and the unintended consequences. Thanks also for the redemption many of us didn't or don't get, the spontaneous giggle of self-compassion, and the kindness and humor from your friend Ron. Larry, this is generously, masterfully done.
Thank you, Alden. I always appreciate your support!
Truth be told, the catharsis that followed my "HP manslaughter" lasted about two seconds; years later, I'm not sure it was worth the effort.
Looking back on it, I guess that part of what I found amusing soon after my little meltdown was the notion that, "One day, Lar, you're gonna laugh about this."
I second the motion of "generously, masterfully done." Every time you went back and touched this piece it improved and just got funnier and more engaging. Love your brilliant humor my friend.
As I've noted before: While there's so much to enjoy and benefit from through Write Hearted, the feedback we receive in the Drafts section *alone* is worth the price of admission. Much appreciated.
Larry, who hasn't experienced frustrations? My Epson scanner wasn't working a week ago, saying I needed to enable editing. The printer didn't print either. I was planning to take it to Staples, where I bought it, for tech support. Then, I looked in back and noticed the cable wasn't plugged in. My troubleshooting succeeded.
I guess we all go through that (at least those of us who *aren't* total tech geeks). It's a fairly universal thing. Moving forward, I've since learned how to avoid that meltdown: "Breathe in ... Breathe out..." Lather, rinse, repeat...
I did not see that coming! That was hilarious, Larry! My computer and printer have communication issues, and at times I'd like to thrash both. I can relate to your frustrations with tech and wouldn't mind becoming a neo-Luddite myself. I double down on what I said to you yesterday: While I always thought you were a great writer, you've now become a spectacular storyteller.
The whole scenario is kind of scary: At the end of the day ... I DESTROYED A PRINTER. (Not my finest moment ... but recalling the whole thing was kind of fun.)
Larry, There are few people out there that cannot relate to this story, though most of us destroy our indespensible machines only in imagination. We keep our techno-anger bottled up or release it in dribbles of expletives that never lead to catharsis--only a state of chronic irritation. Your compulsive reckless moment actually got you to lighten up and laugh at yourself. Hmm, I'm not sure I have the chutzpah to pitch an errant printer onto the rocks, but if I feel the urge I'll give you a call.
If you ever need some digital hardware destroyed ... please call me! Or, better yet: Feel free to give me a holler, and I'll coach / support you through the process. (Just watch out for the flying toner.)
By the way, I'm thinking this might be a good one for Stories That Matter (??)
I honestly didn't know that the hell "taking a powder" meant until, on a whim, I looked it up. Turns out walking away from any digital snafu makes *total* sense.
“And I noticed, with some oddly detached interest, as the tall fellow raised his printer over his head … and then brought it down like an outdoorsman splitting firewood with his axe, smashing it onto the concrete floor.
It was supposed to feel good.
It didn’t.”
I can think of so many times when I’ve had that “printer over my head” with adrenaline pumping through me. It’s usually followed by shame, and not a Heineken, however.
Again, you had me rapt all the way through! And for your friend Ron, hold him close. Friends like him are to be treasured.
Ron's one of the good ones. He and his girlfriend moved to Colorado years ago, and we lost track. I'm going to look him up. It's been too long!
I cannot imagine you raising *anything* over your head to smash it. But, based on these comments, I'm surprised how so many people get "tech frustrated." It's far more common than I would've guessed.
I love this story! How many times have I wanted to throw my blankety-blank printer out a second story window, too???? You have such a way with making the ordinary extraordinarily funny and personal. Thank you Larry!
Until this slice o' insanity was published, I'd never realized how common this tech frustration is. I guess we're all in this "Error Message Challenge" together, right?
Larry! I'm chiming in here with kudos for such a spot-on enactment of what we'd all like to do to our printer- computer- TV- phone-- etc at one time or another. Now I get the title too. Thanks for my morning laugh!
A very belated thank you for your support, Linda. Based on your comment, and so many others here, I didn't realize how common this techno-frustration is. I guess we're all in this together!
♥ Few people can make toner, rage, and personal growth coexist this gracefully. I’ll never look at an error message, or a hammock, the same way again. Hilarity ensues.
Thanks, Matthew.
After kicking around this story the last few days, I believe that the hammock in question might've kept me out of the loony bin!
Larry, this made me laugh out loud and wince in recognition. As someone who has absolutely fantasized about doing exactly this in moments of peak tech frustration, I have to admit I sort of admire that you actually went through with it. There really is nothing quite as maddening as failed technology at the exact moment you need it most, and you captured that helpless, toddler-on-the-floor feeling so perfectly. And that final line about the car—chef’s kiss. Ron truly sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime friend!
Thank you, Rachel.
Yes, it was quite cathartic ... and scary ... and Just Plain Weird. I'm glad you got some catharsis out of this slice of silliness.
And about that last line: that was RICK'S, given to me free of charge in Google Docs. (I wish I could take credit for it, but the resulting guilt might be the end of me!)
Hahaha well it was a great addition! Nicely done, Rick!
Thank you for writing and publishing this. Is there one among us who cannot relate???You go through the whole process, beat by beat. I love how you translate the error message for us, and then walk us through the steps of escalation... we've all taken a few of these at least, and we've all imagined, at least, going all the way to the CRASH. But then you give us more: the part we'd prefer to forget, when we're swamped with chagrin and regret for the destruction and the unintended consequences. Thanks also for the redemption many of us didn't or don't get, the spontaneous giggle of self-compassion, and the kindness and humor from your friend Ron. Larry, this is generously, masterfully done.
Thank you, Alden. I always appreciate your support!
Truth be told, the catharsis that followed my "HP manslaughter" lasted about two seconds; years later, I'm not sure it was worth the effort.
Looking back on it, I guess that part of what I found amusing soon after my little meltdown was the notion that, "One day, Lar, you're gonna laugh about this."
Turns out my intuition way back then was correct.
I second the motion of "generously, masterfully done." Every time you went back and touched this piece it improved and just got funnier and more engaging. Love your brilliant humor my friend.
Thank you, Rick.
As I've noted before: While there's so much to enjoy and benefit from through Write Hearted, the feedback we receive in the Drafts section *alone* is worth the price of admission. Much appreciated.
Larry, who hasn't experienced frustrations? My Epson scanner wasn't working a week ago, saying I needed to enable editing. The printer didn't print either. I was planning to take it to Staples, where I bought it, for tech support. Then, I looked in back and noticed the cable wasn't plugged in. My troubleshooting succeeded.
If only these problems were all as simple as an unplugged cord...
Glad it worked out for you! :)
Fabulous Larry! I totally feel the same way. Just haven't had the catharsis moment.
Thanks, Genie.
I guess we all go through that (at least those of us who *aren't* total tech geeks). It's a fairly universal thing. Moving forward, I've since learned how to avoid that meltdown: "Breathe in ... Breathe out..." Lather, rinse, repeat...
No words for how entertaining this is. Save it for your upcoming Dave Barry - esque anthology.
I tend not to follow through on urges like this. I wonder if that needs to change.
Your neighbor peering at you in hunky dory, blackened bliss in your hammock is off the chart funny. What a writer you are.
Thanks, Kathy! As always, I appreciate your encouragement.
The whole "relaxation in blackface" thing actually did happen. It was weird then, and it was weird when it came to mind a few weeks ago.
About following through on those urges: I wouldn't recommend it, but if you do, first make sure it's YOUR printer!
I did not see that coming! That was hilarious, Larry! My computer and printer have communication issues, and at times I'd like to thrash both. I can relate to your frustrations with tech and wouldn't mind becoming a neo-Luddite myself. I double down on what I said to you yesterday: While I always thought you were a great writer, you've now become a spectacular storyteller.
Thank you, Flori! I always appreciate your kind support.
Rest assured: reflecting on and writing about this "Prozac Moment" was a lot more fun that going through it!
Bumper sticker idea: "NEO-LUDDITES UNITE!!"
Now I know why I stay away from printers 😭
The ending! You disguised that so well.
Thanks, Simon.
The whole scenario is kind of scary: At the end of the day ... I DESTROYED A PRINTER. (Not my finest moment ... but recalling the whole thing was kind of fun.)
Larry, There are few people out there that cannot relate to this story, though most of us destroy our indespensible machines only in imagination. We keep our techno-anger bottled up or release it in dribbles of expletives that never lead to catharsis--only a state of chronic irritation. Your compulsive reckless moment actually got you to lighten up and laugh at yourself. Hmm, I'm not sure I have the chutzpah to pitch an errant printer onto the rocks, but if I feel the urge I'll give you a call.
Thank you, Lee.
If you ever need some digital hardware destroyed ... please call me! Or, better yet: Feel free to give me a holler, and I'll coach / support you through the process. (Just watch out for the flying toner.)
By the way, I'm thinking this might be a good one for Stories That Matter (??)
A printer is an instrument of redundancy. Larry, you're an original. Makes sense the printer would give you a hard time. Fuck that digital asshole.
Also, love the throwback title--makes me think about all the hardboiled noirs I've read and watched.
Thank you, Norm.
I honestly didn't know that the hell "taking a powder" meant until, on a whim, I looked it up. Turns out walking away from any digital snafu makes *total* sense.
Great story; I think I'll print it out...
What a great one, Larry.
“And I noticed, with some oddly detached interest, as the tall fellow raised his printer over his head … and then brought it down like an outdoorsman splitting firewood with his axe, smashing it onto the concrete floor.
It was supposed to feel good.
It didn’t.”
I can think of so many times when I’ve had that “printer over my head” with adrenaline pumping through me. It’s usually followed by shame, and not a Heineken, however.
Again, you had me rapt all the way through! And for your friend Ron, hold him close. Friends like him are to be treasured.
Thank you, James.
Ron's one of the good ones. He and his girlfriend moved to Colorado years ago, and we lost track. I'm going to look him up. It's been too long!
I cannot imagine you raising *anything* over your head to smash it. But, based on these comments, I'm surprised how so many people get "tech frustrated." It's far more common than I would've guessed.
(I just emailed myself to call Ron.)
Anyway, thanks again!
One of your all time classics! Love it!
I love this story! How many times have I wanted to throw my blankety-blank printer out a second story window, too???? You have such a way with making the ordinary extraordinarily funny and personal. Thank you Larry!
Thank you, Dana!
Until this slice o' insanity was published, I'd never realized how common this tech frustration is. I guess we're all in this "Error Message Challenge" together, right?
Larry! I'm chiming in here with kudos for such a spot-on enactment of what we'd all like to do to our printer- computer- TV- phone-- etc at one time or another. Now I get the title too. Thanks for my morning laugh!
A very belated thank you for your support, Linda. Based on your comment, and so many others here, I didn't realize how common this techno-frustration is. I guess we're all in this together!